Just Thinking

Sometimes I think about what made me the person I am today. Why did I have to go through so much pain? I guess at the end what I went through made me a better and stronger individual. I am ashamed that I don't like the naturing part of me. It seems to be taken for granted by everybody that I allow in my inner circle. I think I have to choose more wisely now.

I don't know for sure, but I think that this is my turning point in life. This is when I make my transformation from a girl to a woman. I am starting to think more maturely, act more mature, and listen to words from the wise. I do admit that I still have some growing up to do before I can confidently call myself a woman. I will work harder at this everyday. I promise to stay conscious of the many decisions that I have to make in the future. I will be mindful that life is a journey and I must treat it as such. I must laugh, love, forgive, and cry.

I must cry when I'm hurt to express my feelings; I must write when I get the urge; I must laugh when something tickles my funny cell; I must sleep when my body has had enough. I must do what ever it takes to become a role model to my generation and the people in my inner realm. I feel that it is only right that I start to put myself first even when it seems like the hardest thing to do. I must have my best interest at heart first. I must love myself before I can love anybody else. I must thank God everyday for continuing to give me days when I don't deserve it.

Living in today's world is crazy. I can feel when someone will no longer live on earth. I don't know where this talent came from, but I do know that I thank God for it. I feel that I will live for a long time because God has huge plans for me.

I have to repent my sins, but right now I won't because my heart isn't there. A lot of people do it before their heart is ready and they end up repenting and asking for forgiveness more than ever. I know that I live in sin and I sin everyday by first, being lesbian. I am working on my desires right now, but it's hard when I'm in love with a female as I write.

There are a lot of things I don't believe that are written it the Bible. My mind provokes thought and a lot of it doesn't make sense. That doesn't mean that I don't believe in God or Jesus; it just means that I have my own person relationship with the man on the throne than most people.

Just some thoughts......