Cold Case Love....

Why does a one try so hard to gain the love and trust that is already gone? When I say gone, I mean gone to a point of never returning.

I am going through that right now. There were situations that happened almost two years ago that made my previous partner feel that I no longer deserved her. Since then I have been trying my damnst to show her that there is no one else that is strong enough to deal with the complexity that is her. Through many tears and late night thoughts of leaving, I still can't seem to get over the fact that there is no more us. I want to believe that there is still a chance because although we have not been an item, I still take care of her daughter and run her errands. In addition to the responsibilities that I had in the previous years I am now the cook and house maid for her father with whom we now live with. Her father has diabetes and is like 425lbs. He eats most of the time and the time that he isn't eating, he is sleep. I have been living with her for almost three years and for real nothing has changed much. I am not going to say that the way I feel right is totally all her fault because that would be just pointing the finger. I do have something to do with it, but what I did was nothing like cheating or anything. I guess I wasn't as adult as she wanted me to be. What she continues on so many occasions to forget is that I am 9 years younger than her....

Now that I think about it....maybe that is why she is so distant from me now. We don't sleep in the same bed, everything that is hers...is just that. She refuses to do my hair and every time I ask her to do something for me she says no. I don't know what to do because I really don't want to give up, even though she constantly gives me signs that she wants nothing to do with me. Why is it that still love her as much as I do? Why am I still running a race that ended a long time ago? Am I getting tired? Yes, but no matter what I can't stop.

As I am writing, I am getting angry with myself because I am exhausting all of my love and time with somebody that only takes it for granted. She doesn't take it for granted, because that is only possible if she sees my love, but doesn't realize what it is I am offering. She just doesn't care. I am scared to move on because, again I am worrying about her. Why am I so worried about this human that has done everything but permanently kicked me out? I am so hurt right now...